Lower Ground 4Loko Goblin

Description:

The North American Lower Ground 4Loko Goblin(Goblinus Four Lokastinae),Specifically those whose predilections are for the Sour Green Apple flavor, Are to be found in most urban environments, namely behind dumsters, the small patches of woods around neighborhoods, and occasionally living inside your neighbor's trash-can. Though somewhat docile, they can be pushed into group violence at a whim. Their genesis lies within the South East of the United States, but with the migration of Americans during the late 1700's to the early 19th century, can now be found all up and down the west coast, mainly in the dense forests of Oregon and Northern California. Not to be confused with the Southern Californian Gremlin, 4Loko Goblins have been spotted in tribes all around the country, and whose tribes now have found a taste for other flavors as well. From what early anthropologists have ascertained, their need for the 4loko stems from a religious backround. During the early centuries following the passing of the North American ice-age, goblin tribes found themselves migrating towards areas which are now known as Nova Scotia and Maine, while a select few found themselves within the areas of Washington State and Oregon. As these tribes settled, they found what would become known as the precursor to 4lokos- a greenish (as well as other primary colors in other parts of the world) nectar-like liquid which flowed from a rare tree called the Black out Pine, named so because this liquid gets you fucking wrecked. When consumed, they found that this liquid not only put them into a pleasant stupor, but allowed them to contact the Gods on an unprecedented level rivaled only by psychedelics such as DMT and Auyasica. an excerpt from the book entitled "Goblin tribes of Mt. Hood: The diaspora of Goblin peoples from the OG homeland", by Lex Gregg, (1932) gives us an insight into just how powerful this intoxicant is, and what sort of properties it bestows upon the mind:

"Goblins, as it seems, have a fondness for a greenish liquid found only in secret streams, which only elders are allowed the knowledge of their locations. Every 2 decacycles, under the cover of 'The howling moon'*, the elders lead their peoples giddy with excitement to drink and make merry within these streams until, laden with intoxicated confusion, they pass out and begin to have prophetic visions of future events and communication with their ancestors. One goblin, relayed to me with the aid of a translator, of a vision of two great stone pillars, taller than all of the other stone pillars, being hit and destroyed by two metal birds in the distant future. I do not know what he speaks of, it is probably a load of horseshit. Fucking hippy-ass goblin lookin string cheese wearin, slugs-for-condoms usin'...nasty ass..and ya know what? Ya know what? Yall ugly as hell..."


 * A moon phase we most commonly associate with a full moon.

As you can see here, the nectar is only allowed to be harvested by the elder shamans of the tribe, under an auspice moon cycle every fortnite, when the Spirits of the Mist have risen from dark and lonely graves, to help send off prayers and hopes to the Gods. And once The Claw of Prophecy has chosen the next goblin youths to lead the war-path, a bowl of the 4-loko must always be kept on hand before battle, carried by the lame gimp of the tribe.

Attributes

Goblins vary from size but never find themselves above 4 feet. Thus they are able to fit into small crevices, especially if predators such as the Brown-Crested Hoon have migrated back for the summer. One curious defense mechanism to note, is that they have an uncanny ability to disguise themselves almost perfectly as normal human beings, and on certain rare moon cycles, when the shamans have blessed the Sacred Stones of Mo'Rok, Then, using the magi's power can they shape-shift fully-being indistinguishable from the form they wish to take. The color of a goblin usually denotes what tribe it is from, and what 4-loko it's most fond of. For example, the Blue Frost lokos, usually found in the Upper Northern parts of the continent, where it is a much colder environment, usually have the hue and palour of a corpse. Where as the red 4-loko goblins, are, who'd a fucking thought, fucking red. Most goblin's arms are almost down past their knees, and bodies are usually short and tubby. patches of infections and irritations usually pock-mark their skin, and strange, bruise-like markings usually appear on adult males. Females usually have more cat-like facial features, fine hair on their back, and normal genitalia seen in most mammalian females. The eyes, usually either red or yellow, are reflective like a felines, and can see in the dark, for easy access to dumpster beers and digging through trash. A goblin's most hated competitor is the raccoon. Many a war have been fought between these species.